Today, I would like to share with you how to engage in safe sex; more specifically, I would like to discuss consent and communication. 

Now, it is important to note that neither the word nor the act of having sex is dirty, and treating it as such fosters an environment of stigma and shame, which furthers unsafe sex practices. 

First, before ever engaging in anything, sexual or not, it is important to ask for consent. To obtain clear consent, follow F.R.I.E.S: 

Freely given means there is no pressure to say yes. 

Reversible means that just because you said “yes” before, it does not mean you have to continue if you are uncomfortable. 

Informed means that you always know what you are consenting to. 

Enthusiastic reiterates that all consent should be enthusiastic; if your partner says something like, “I guess” or “maybe,” that is not consent. 

Specific means that consent is not a one-time thing, and you need to ask before engaging in anything new. 

 Here is how an interaction might unfold, using Person 1 and Person 2 as our characters: 

Person 1 could ask, “Can I kiss you?” 

Person 2 could reply, “Yes.” 

Woah! Look at that communication. As you can see, consent does not have to be a long and complicated process. 

 When focusing more on the communication aspect of sex and relationships, remember that communication is a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships and interactions. Communication, as well as consent, does not start and stop at sex, either! We often think of consent as sexual, but it is also prevalent in everyday life, such as asking for a bite of someone else’s food or not hugging someone even if their arms are open. Remember that you do not owe anyone a “yes,” and if they force you into saying “yes,” that is not consent or a consensual interaction.  

 Back to communication: it is important to set boundaries and communicate them with your partner. If you have a boundary that they keep overstepping, such as calling you a name you do not like or touching your hair when you do not enjoy that, it is important to talk about that. 

 However, it is not your responsibility to constantly set boundaries when they are being disrespected. Your partner should know your boundaries if you have communicated them, and if they are not respecting those, then you may want to consider reevaluating the relationship. 

 Like consent, boundaries are reversible. Something might have made you uncomfortable, but now you enjoy it, so communicate that with your partner. The same is true for the opposite; just because you liked something before does not mean you always will, and you need to communicate that with your partner so that they are aware of the new boundary. 

 Communication can be scary to start, but it is important to make sure you are having constant communication about how you are feeling and what you want out of the relationship. It is also important to note that aggression toward communication and/or setting a boundary is not normal, and that is a sign for you to get out of that situation if it is safe to do so. 

 Remember, consent and communication are vital aspects of healthy relationships and interactions. And, if you do not know if someone is consenting or not, it is important to ask or assume they are not. Never assume someone is consenting, always communicate what you want to do, and make sure to maintain healthy and open communication with your partner.