La Croix subjectively the worst drink


Jaden Cheloha, Staff Writer

DISCLAIMER: I would like for everyone to keep in mind that the points I bring up in this article are not do not arise from anything resembling factual information, and anything brought up in this piece is strictly my opinion and what I have discovered as I drank my way through a 12 pack of peach-pear La Croix

In his article “La Croix objectively the best drink,” Charles Yale mentioned how he gets bullied relentlessly for his opinion regarding the carbonated beverage. I would be lying if I said I was never on the dispatching side of those exchanges. However, what I cannot bully Mr. Yale on is his meticulous research into the numerous health benefits that La Croix offers. So instead, I am here to discuss the opposite end of the spectrum, and why La Croix, at least to me, is subjectively the most repulsive drink that could be occupying an aluminum can.

Let’s begin with my most obvious issue I came across the first time this controversial brew contacted my tongue: the taste. There are only two ingredients listed on the back of a can of La Croix, those being carbonated water and a natural essence of whatever flavor your drink is. The first sip of my peach-pear La Croix had my mind racing as to what that “natural essence” meant, and the immediate lack of any impactful flavor lead me to think the people making these drinks shoved a peach up one nostril and a pear up the other and simply sneezed into a glass of sparkling water.

To break up the monotony, I will mention here how surprised I was when I took a whiff of the drink and was pleasantly delighted to find the aroma one of quality. Any air freshener that shares the same smell as a can of La Croix is a product I would buy without hesitation. However, it is saddening that the most flavor I get from this concoction only passes through my nasal cavities, and never through my throat.

Along with taste, I also had major issues with the level of carbonation in each drink. I have had plenty of quality burps come from chugging other carbonated beverages, but the only feeling I gain from slurping down a can of La Croix as fast as possible is one of over looming disaster. More often than not, after a large gulp or two, I was left with the unsatisfactory feeling that a burp was right on the horizon, but it took much longer than expected to see the light of day. Imagine the DVD logo constantly bumping up against the border of the TV for around 3 minutes, but once it finally hits the corner, it just passes right through the edge of the frame.

What sucks the most is that this is not where my burping struggles end. The feeling lingers far past those first 3 minutes, even if the aftershocks that follow aren’t as strong as the first eruption, so these unsatisfying burps keep coming, one after the other for a few extra minutes. Reflecting on everything I’ve mentioned in this article, I’m left repulsed from the moment I let the drink hit my taste buds to many minutes after I’ve emptied the can.

So, what have I learned from my little experiment? Not much, actually. While I wasn’t aware of the benefits that come from drinking La Croix instead of any other fizzy drink, thanks to Mr. Yale and his article, I now am. Unfortunately, these benefits don’t provide me with enough reason to add La Croix into my diet. The flavor leaves heaps to be desired, and while the smell of each can is beyond blissful, the tingling sensation it leaves in my stomach is one that can only be described as unpleasant.