Junior year is finally settling in for me; I now feel the age of high school students in movies where the students are living independently and adventurously and are preparing for the second phase of their lives. 

I began driving this past summer, which opened a new world of adventure for me. A newfound independence was released, and I felt free to explore the world. Sitting in my next-door neighbor’s basement changed to driving around, exploring different parts of Omaha. We began to break free from the jurisdiction of our parents; we are now living with more freedom.  

This idea of getting older is scary, but, in a way, it is exciting.  

As I was growing up, I slowly saw all my siblings move out and saw our warm house turn into empty rooms and expectations that I had to live up to.  

When I was in elementary school, I would come home to a busy house of my four older siblings roaming around, talking about their day and then doing their after-school activities. As each of them explored new parts of their lives, the next sibling’s standard would be set. This standard was never stated or clarified, but was almost expected. 

This expectation was an invisible push to try to accomplish the most “success” one could obtain. I don’t think this was from the way my parents parented, but more the way I interpreted my family’s dynamic growing up. 

Growing up with accomplished siblings who played varsity sports, were in honor societies for music and were reaching their dreams persuaded me to do all the same things while never truly finding my passion. I pushed myself to love the same things my siblings did, whether that was music or little hobbies like crafting. I don’t think I know what my passion is versus what I just inherited from living with my siblings.  

Each of my siblings had their passions and are now living those out, but I don’t know what I will do. I have no set passion that has sparked within me like theirs, leaving me lost and scared about my future.  

I think this is what getting older truly represents: a point in time where you have no idea what you will do and who you will be. I’ve grown to see that this is what feeling the age of high school is: a middle ground of working towards an unknown future. 

This idea that I will never experience living with my siblings in a permanent setting ever again is also a way of growing up. As a family, we are slowly breaking apart, creating new branches and reaching different goals.  

For me, this means discovering new colleges and slowly making decisions. Maybe one day my passion will be set like my siblings. Maybe one day I will live up to the invisible expectations.